How do I help my father?
Question by Zammie: How do I help my father?
My father’s attitude constantly strikes me as abrasive, self-centered and beyond insane. His reasoning is clouded almost all the time, and most of all, he has an unreasonably high opinion of himself, to such a degree that he demands respect from anyone around him.
During his vacation in Europe with my mother(i stayed at home), it started raining and it was really cold, so all the other couples bought umbrellas. My dad just wrapped up and refused to buy an umbrella for my mom. He said it wasn’t really raining, but they were both getting wet.
He had the hubris to tell my mom that he was going to the red light district that night.
He acted as if NOTHING had happened after coming home to the Philippines.
His reasoning has huge holes in it. When we were taking him to the airport, he had a giant suitcase which could barely fit into the trunk of the sedan we were taking. I asked him:”Couldn’t we use the S.U.V.?” He merely answered:”Couldn’t I get a little respect in my decisions?”
During his Europe vacation, he lost his tickets and overpacked to an extreme extent. He had to leave 1/10th of what he brought to Europe. The whole party travelling with him(his officemates)was held up by his frantic search for the tickets. When MOM, not him, found it, his officemates sighed and shook their heads. He also took every single brochure, even though none of them were in English and dumped them on me. Our conversation went like this:
“Why a brochure on trains?”
“You like trains.”
“WHERE did you get that idea?”
(he closes the door behind him)
By the way, his officemates don’t like him. He turns up late, around noon, when he’s expected at 10. Just because he’s a senior partner, he believes he can act the boss. He also brings tons of work home at night and pulls regular all-nighters instead of going to work early. He refuses to help in the chores, and I don’t want to ask him why he’s such a slacker.
He contradicts known facts about his situation. Since his parents died, he moved in with my mom, me and my other grandparents. He once got angry over a tree which cast shade over our driveway.
“I’ll have that tree chopped down and get rid of this garden.”
I reply:”This isn’t really your house.”
After leaving the car, he slams the door and says:”Let me know when you want me out of YOUR(with immaturity)house.
He also has the opinion that anything he says is important and that he absolutely must say everything to everyone. He’s utterly without shame. He constantly chats up females and asking after all my girl classmates. Our conversations go like this
“So this girl is *name*?”
“Yeah she is.”
“Where’s she from?”
“I don’t ask that of people. Why would i do that?”
his reply changes but usually leads towards that it’s common courtesy and anyone who knows how to have a conversation should know WHERE the person comes from.
Afterwards, he says “That girl’s gonna become pretty when she grows up.” I usually don’t reply.
I’ve seen him take candid pictures of women in bathing suits on vacations with both me and my mom(from between the curtains no less)and candid photos of many of my female batchmates(we’re all high school)
He makes big scenes in restaurants which make mistakes like slow service in such a manner that he bluntly and nakedly wields his power as an attorney.
“lemme speak to your manager.”
“Hello manager, i am ATTORNEY *last name*”
The problem may stem from his finding out he was an adopted child and growing up in the city without as much discipline as would have been had his parents been around. He may have had to deal with feelings of being unwanted, and his adoptive parents gave him more or less free rein. He has always refused visits to the shrink or even counselors. His opinion is that he is better than his wife at all times, and always says the exact opposite of what my mother says.
His reasoning leads him to conclusions such as that i have to get my sleep cycle back one month before the end of summer vacation
His self-image is not unlike Wen Fu’s in the Kitchen God’s wife, though he doesn’t abuse mom as overtly or as extremely, though he did have a shouting fit in the hotel lobby while arguing with mom. Afterwards, he took away her spending money.
His abrasive attitude has pushed my mom very far, and she sometimes gets angry enough to be beyond anger, she just laughs.
I want him to see that
There is something wrong with the way he sees the world
He has to accept and deal with it for the family to survive
A respectable father never demands respect from his family. He earns it.
AND I WANT HIM TO DEAL WITH IT AS COMPLETELY AS POSSIBLE. If i see one inkling of him actually wanting to treat my mom better, i’ll help him 100%
I get
Best answer:
Answer by John
it sounds to me like you need some answers in your life. there is always One i could turn to in my greatest time of need. i can only pray that you will be touched by His noodely appendage. RA-men.
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Ra-men Brother John. All that hail in is noodley appendages will be brought to the light of HIS great sauciness.
PASTA be with you on this great morning! RAmen! His noodles have blessed us all, you just have to believe.